Speaking up, oppression olympics and the race to know who suffers most

For a generation of people who discuss topics like mental health, showing love unconditionally a lot, and has a word like "empathy" as one of its buzzwords, we are far from the words we preach.

I have come to realise that many sympathise with people who committed suicide or pretend they do because it makes them seem human to an extent or just to generate traffic that can be used for promotions in future. We talk and hardly walk the talk.

"Just know that if you are going through something, you can always talk to me" is all shades of "awwn" until the time to actually step in and listen comes. They begin an oppression olympics and start discussing whose problems are worse; theirs or the person who opened up to them. Worse, they take notes of the words shared, the weaknesses especially and patiently wait for an opportunity to use the information against you.

We are all slaying our demons and being the shoulder to lean on when other people need help might be overwhelming but we have a responsibility of being nice to one another. Maybe you owe nobody a shoulder to lean on actually but they do not deserve the hurtful garbage you call words neither.

Invalidating people’s plight by starting an oppression olympics is an habit we should stay away from also. They didn’t reach out so they could compete with you in sorrow. I understand that as Nigerians "your own better na" and other shades of oppression olympics is a culture we grew up with but we all should know better now.

Allow people grief/express themselves in ways they seem fit without trying to invalidate their feelings. You could just listen and nod as they express hurt or sadness even if you don’t have solutions. We are all not therapists afterall.

As much as we encourage people to talk when they are down or feel like letting everything out, let’s give them a listening ear. You don’t even need to try to fix them or their problems, just listen. It is therapeutic for many people.

I will advise that whoever is going through a mentally draining phase should see a Therapist. Although, your family and friends may be able to lend a hand, they can't do much for you except they are qualified. If you notice that they trivialise your struggles, it is best you stop sharing it with them for the sake of your sanity.

Life is very delicate, a shot to the head and you are gone, a misstep while trying to board Danfo at Oshodi and you take a bite from the apple of history as a dead person. Every other thing is uncertain but death is the end that mankind finds itself in eventually. Live your life, slay your demons but most importantly, lend a ear. And a hand too.

Amos Adéjìmí